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About Me Premium Member Deviant of Many Talents Liren23/Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 5 Years
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Liren Lostwing

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Reflections of Destinations

Journal Entry: Wed Nov 18, 2009, 1:55 AM


I am very distracted lately.

Having a hard time focusing on the things I need to so desperately be working on. But I must admit, I am wearing down.

First of all, the job search is going fruitlessly. Yeah, laugh it up while you can and while you're out of range, but I refuse to let anyone tell me I haven't been working hard enough on this. Least I have a fucking degree. At least I made it that far. And the job I want? It's a game of numbers and a game of patience and meticulous networking.

Second, I realized just how mentally fuct up I am right now, living emotionally like a homeless person, day-to-day, just flat-lining in regards to how I treat my 'feelings'. I'm living with symptoms, rather than dealing with certain issues at their source. It has become a norm to numb my mind and give no time to emotions or feelings whatsoever to the extent that it's my dreams doing the feeling, worrying and thinking. I've been doing this for close to 10 months.

Third, I am starting to talk again. I've started to say things that, for 9 months, I neglected to share, to say, to feel. I am learning a new style of living, one based not on just sating my primal needs (eating, sleeping, lusting), but an intellectual experience. I have people on the other end listening to every word, asking more, answering questions, offering intellectual advice. I am talking and I am actually feeling again.

And I guess the latter has been something I have dearly missed. My new boyfriend has stumbled upon someone seeking so much in a man, wanting for so much. I see it happening, for the first time in 10 years, I see a possible end to my looking, I see a conclusion, I can start to dream a little, and I feel I can actually wrap my hands around this. I can forget about miserable college years. I am starting to take comfort in someone again. To relax when they call me my new names, to see not flight and weariness in their eyes but joy and longevity. I see in him, a reflection of destination.

I can stare into his eyes and feel like his... one. If only for just a little while, I can say that I am starting to see a destination too.
Thank God for that.

I am Liren. Godtouched and Precious. The Price of Freedom is high. And "Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge." - Paul Gauquin. (words of wisdom from the 'brown journal';)

-Liren <3 Ravenkin


  • Mood: Mesmerized
  • Listening to: My Mind's Eye
  • Reading: WinterBirth (LOVE THIS BOOK)
  • Watching: The Onion news
  • Playing: WoW
  • Eating: Old halloween candy
  • Drinking: water

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I'm funny?

Devious Info

  • Favourite movie: Labyrinth
  • Favourite band or musician: Korn, David Bowie, Slayer, Slipknot, 3 Inches of Blood, Mudvayne, All that Remains, CKY
  • Favourite genre of music: Rock, Industrial, Death Metal
  • Favourite poet or writer: George R.R. Martin
  • Favourite style of art: Fantasy
  • MP3 player of choice: I-Tunes
  • Favourite game: FFX, AOE2, Legend of the Dragoon, Halo Trilogy
  • Favourite cartoon character: Knuckles
  • Personal Quote: "Anyone can die, it's living that takes courage."

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Comments


:icondiamondwhitewolf:
hurrrr..... I was an idiot and forgot my phone was in my back pocket last night, and it ended up dropping out of my back pocket and into the toilet.
So... I unfortunately don't have calling or texting abilities atm. I'll try to get a hold of you two via Trevor's phone by borrowing Joe's phone since I haven't yet memorized your number. Look forward to seeing you this weekend at least a little bit more.
*headdesks and crawls back into bed.*

--
"In order to Present, One must first be Presentable."--The Young Seelie Queen to the Court of Light
:iconliren:
Oh I understand completely! No worries, so yeah. Go ahead and give trevor a call. I want you and Joe to come out with us tonight on the town. We're not sure where we're going to go, but I really can't wait to see you tonight! hope you're feeling a bit better! if not, I'm HERE TO CHEER YOU UP!!!! ^_^*** :hug:

--
Anyone can die; it's living that takes courage.
:icondiamondwhitewolf:
Thanks a ton for the fav!

--
"In order to Present, One must first be Presentable."--The Young Seelie Queen to the Court of Light
:iconliren:
of course love!

--
Anyone can die; it's living that takes courage.
:iconapplebunny:
Many thanks for the :+fav:.

And cool story about your new name. The fact that people didn't seem to see the magpie in your hand, maybe because in that instant of change it was the most natural thing in the world and they realized they should not question it.

--
Valentine Print Available here: [link]
:iconliren:
You're welcome! I love it when you work pops up in my inbox! Always a joy - and I do apologize that my tendency to comment is lessening (something I need to improve on) but I like the idea that people were treating me like the classic homeless person - different, kind of scary, and easily ignored. Ellensburg is weird like that :/ haha.

--
Anyone can die; it's living that takes courage.
:iconapplebunny:
No apologies needed.

Treating interesting people like the homeless. Hm, I might have to visit Ellensburg one day. I'll add that to the list. ^_^

--
Valentine Print Available here: [link]
:iconluvecerviere:
I has a man!

--
Who is John Galt?
:iconliren:
err... congrats? I don't know whether or not to be excited or... warn you ITS A TRAP!!

--
Anyone can die; it's living that takes courage.
:iconluvecerviere:
Thanks for the favorite Liren... guess what... Steve is my man <.< >.>

--
Who is John Galt?

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